I am determined to make a change. A permanent change. My problem is: I get burned out. I'm not going to let that happen this time. I Have too much to lose, and everything to gain.
ALL My life, I have struggled with my weight. From an early age of 9 to 10 years old I have been to some degree Overweight and even obese. I started having a love affair with food from an early age. When kids bullied and teased me in school about my weight. I bottled up my feelings till I got home and cried over the most fattening foods I could get my hands on. Whether it be, a Chocolate doughnut, a bowl of rice, french fries and hamburgers, cakes, cookies, brownies....whatever I could find. I'd eat my feelings everytime. Food was my friend. It was the one friend who didn't judge me, didn't make fun of me, but made me feel "loved". It soothed my pain and helped me forget all the taunting at least for a little while.
Fast Forward:
This will be my third real significant weight loss journey and they say three times is a charm so I hope this is the last and final one. The first time I was actually seeking the help of a licensed nutrionist at a well-known local "learning" Hospital. It worked but the more weight I took off the deeper in depression I grew. I know realize there was a lot of hurt associated with my weight. As the weight came off it was like peeling back a shell. The nutrionist wasn't trained to help me through the emotional part of it. I went to my family doctor who Misdiagnosed me as Bipolar. When I got on bipolar meds my weight loss journey came to an abrupt hault. Those meds not only make you feel drained and lethargic, it also makes you crave the worst foods ever. It also gave me gestational diabetes this was all back in 2005 or so. I had lost 60 lbs and went from weight 250 lbs to 190 lbs. I then gained all my weight back within the year and gained even more. I got up to upwards of 330 lbs.
My Second Significant Weight loss journey began shortly after I joined a gym. At first I was just exercising but still eating bad, Then I decided to push myself by signing up for my very first 5k. It was very good motivation. I was training for my first 5k. First making sure I could walk the 5k and then I did a Jog/fast walk combo and made sure I could do that. I started cutting back my calories. I started my actual weight loss journey on June 4, 2010 I weight 300 lbs. by June 4, 2011 I weight 193 lbs! I could not believe how far I had come. With that new found ME, I started "enjoying" my new body and outlook a little too much. I found myself at the bottom of a liqour bottle more than one occasion. Passing out and hurting myself numerous times. This behavior continued and didn't slow down until I almost got locked up for public intoxication. I was drunk walking around a dark neighborhood in a bad part of town with my face all bloody looking for my friends.. I don't really remember walking or why I didn't just stay at the party that I was at. When the police stopped me. I slowed down after that incident but continued to not exercise and then after I pretty much stopped drinking altogether, I picked up my bad eating habits again. I was in a relationship that in the very beginning was very stressful because of all the baggage we both came with. However now, that is not the case, we are still together and more happy than ever before! We have been together for more than 3 years and we both plan on spending the rest of our lives together. However, I want to be the healthist ME I can possibly be! I am doing it for all the right reasons. NOt to please anyone but Myself and I want to be around for a long time to enjoy life with the love of my life! I love him too much to hurt his feelings by being sick because of my obesity any longer!
( Stay tuned I will add pictures of a lot of before and afters on this post at a later time)
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